Threats From Gallifrey Like a Rolling Stone

like rolling stone


Threats From Gallifrey celebrates the Deadlands: Between A Stone and a Hard Place Kickstarter by chatting with John “Night Train” Goff. Plus, Savage Tim starts his East Texas University campaign… and more developments on the Deadlands Rampage delve.

Listen to the episode at

The Between a Stone and a Hard Place kickstarter can be found at

The Cackler comic kickstarter can be found at

Fabled Environments has an upcoming old west map kickstarter. Get info at

Savage Tim’s ETU Omnibus can be downloaded at

The customizable GM screen John and I gawked over can be ordered at

Day 30 The Cowboy, the Patient and the Robotic Underwear

Here we go! The last day!

30 plots

WIVB talks about firefighters being called out to battle overnight fire. Nothing against the firefighters, but the wording suggests the firemen weren’t expected to respond to an emergency overnight. Train carrying measles patient passes through WNY. Perhaps this is bigger deal than it seems, but I’m sure people sick with many different types of illnesses have passed through our borders. Finally, Western New Yorkers will gobble tons of wings. I know this refers to Super Bowl weekend, but it still screams of head-scratching obviousness.

Here is your last plot.

The Troubleshooters are called in to guard a train sent en route to R&D HQ. The train contains a car in which is quarantined Patient X. Patient X contracted an illness (he won a lottery; the prize was to be a test bunny to see what happens if a Flubber-like substance was injected into his body). The quarantine must not be breached. Of course, every Secret Society either wants the patient destroyed or liberated or captured and experimented on. They all have their own theories about why he’s been quarantined. The patient’s body transforms into the size and shape of the last item the patient touched but has all the properties of a Wacky Fun Ball (the ability to bounce very hard and very fast, causing great harm to anything it hits). The disease is passed on when someone touches the patient when he’s shape-shifted. The patient switches back to his normal self periodically.

Mechanically, when a Computer is rolled on a die, a contaminated clone switches form. When another Computer is rolled, he switches back. What happens if a clone turns into a laser gun and is fired by another clone? Your guess is as good as mine. Make it messy and embarrassing.

When the first Troubleshooter finds the patient in his quarantined car, he’s turned into Meaty BBQ Bites, the food he was eating when he changed. Someone might consume the patient. Oops.

Finally, the train passes a burning warehouse full of robotic underwear, for high clearance citizens who don’t want to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. The underwear detects the need to relieve oneself and like an Iron Man suit flies the occupant to the restroom and handles all tasks involving excreting waste for the sleeping occupant. The suits can be used as standard Iron Man suits, but on a Computer die, the occupant’s detected to needing to pee, and the suit dedicates itself to helping the occupant with that task, even during a laser battle.

Finally, Old Reckoners dressed as cowboys amuse themselves by robbing the train. They ride robotic horses, board the train, declare this is a robbery, then thank everyone for their time and leave.

Thanks for humoring me, following this blog. Hopefully it’s gotten a fair number of you excited to run the new edition of Paranoia.

Days 28 and 29 Inspired by the National Enquirer

coke scenario


Yesterday didn’t afford me time to write a blog entry, so I need to do something to make up for lost time. Perhaps I should check another publication for headlines…

But first, let’s see what WIVB has in store for me. First, of course, winter weather advisory. I think of this as a guy with a megaphone running up to you as you’re dealing with a scary situation and shouting in your ear, “You better be scared of that shit!”

Second, a guide to how to watch the Super Bowl like a pro. I didn’t know this was a paying occupation.

Third, a guy scaled the 180 foot gorge within arm’s reach of the Niagara Falls water. Park employees claimed it was law enforcement training. Honestly, it’s for a Red Bull advertisement.

Here’s the story: It’s considered unpatriotic to not watch the Really Big Deal, the pinnacle event in the sport known as Air Bang, a combination of table hockey and dueling. No one knows how the game’s really played, but there are days worth of build-up to the big event, and HPD&MC releases its biggest advertisements during the game. The Troubleshooters, called on a mission during the big game, are expected to give as much attention to the broadcast on their Cerebral CoreTech as the mission. Loyalty officer’s allowed to randomly quiz the team about the commercials and game as he sees fit, to ensure the team members are complying with the Computer’s will.

The mission: Internal Security found a hole in the middle of a corridor that leads “way down.” Damage to Alpha Complex is of course the work of terrorists. The Troubleshooters must climb down the steep, slimy shaft and discover what made the hole. They find Disco Complex, a version of Alpha Complex started in the 1970s, so everyone talks, looks and acts like they’re in the 1970s. They were members of Coca-Cola’s R&D and decided to escape the threat of a world gone mad, and burrowed down deep beneath the Earth, where they immediately started their own Coca-Cola factory and bottling plant. The Coke makes everyone happy, and all worship the Coke. It’s interesting to note that when these people went missing, a new staff had to be hired. These new people produced Coke 2.

The Coke’s very acidic. The Disco Complex people are used to it, but anything else that comes in contact with it will suffer the effects of drinking or wearing hydrochloric acid.

To make the mission even more fun, R&D assigns the Troubleshooters with a prototype sensor called I-Sad. It weeps openly and loudly about anything and everything it detects. “Boo hoo! This is so dangerous! I’m going to need an update. Would you like to download one? Do you accept the user agreement? Why don’t you like me? Boo hoo!”

For the makeup session, let’s see what’s happening at the National Enquirer. Chevy Chase marked for death.  Lindsay Lohan wants to be a white witch. Kathie Lee wants off Today Show.

The Troubleshooters are called in by a Blue citizen, Che-V-CHA-6. He looks very familiar to everyone as the actor who made the hilarious movies Alpha Complex’s Vacation. That was three clones ago. This clone of Chevy hasn’t done much of anything, but he’s hoping things will turn around. He received a death threat sent from the Teela-O-Show production office. Chevy doesn’t know why anyone’s targeting him, but he can’t afford more clones.

The Troubleshooters arrive in time for a taping, where co-host Kath-B-LEE-5 downs far more happy pills than she should and breaks into fits of tears every few minutes, rolling around on the floor, yelling that she’s going to quit this time. The guest is LINDSAY-O-HAN-3, a popular model and scandal looking for a place to happen (she has four star treason rating), but she’s best friends with Teela-O and turns to her for support every time something negative happens, which is every two minutes. Lindsay recently joined the Old Reckoning secret society and watched Wizard of Oz. She’s coming on the show to announce she wants to be the White Witch, which involves throwing ruby slippers at everyone and telling them to click their heels three times. She also puts on a white dress, which of course is very treasonous.

The culprit to all of this is the Power Services guy who maintains the studio computers. He put a virus in the system so every time someone’s invited on the show, they’re sent a death threat.

Day 27 Clone Smash!

30 plots

Day 27 begins with a headline about how the mayor’s shutting down bars he’s linked to violent crime. Second, a politician won’t resign. Finally, doctor fees are under review.

Here’s the plot: A Violet-clearance citizen is in charge of both a Service Service for food and health products for the military and billing citizens for medical bills. He generously offered to lower citizens’ medical bills by a factor of ten if they submit to trying new protein shakes for a month. These protein shakes are R&D prototypes designed to foster aggression and strength in Vulture squadron members.

Long story short, it turns them into the Incredible Hulk. The transformation kicks in just after the Waky-Waky pills leave the system, which is a little before the Nighty-Nighty pills are taken… which is usually when the clones unwind at their social clubs.

The Computer, assisted by the Violet-clearance citizen, blames the social clubs and targets several clubs to be shut down by our team of Troubleshooters. At least one club is up to no good terrorist acts. Another is too wholesome or words. And the one that’s just right… a couple clones turns into a Hulk and start smashing Troubleshooters. They both have bottles of Vulture Squad Smash Protein Shakes Beta Test bottles on their bodies. Maybe the Troubleshooters will get to the real bad guy, or maybe they’ll just shoot each other in the face.

Day 25 While We’re Talking About Cannibalism

30 plots


Brace yourselves for the last five in my Paranoia Plot Lines blog. The month has really flown by. Today the Buffalo News tells the tale of four schools awaiting a fate (aren’t we all). I guess that means they might be shut down. I don’t read the stories, just the headlines. The Mayor’s not campaigning for re-election right now but is still putting his campaign fund to use. There’s typical Paranoia material. Finally, a historic snowstorm is hitting the east coast.

Being a Buffalo resident, it’s fun to watch people freak out over two feet of snow. Those folk aren’t used to it. They aren’t prepared for it. They think it won’t affect their lives, and so they don’t respect it. As a result, people get hurt. Emergency crews get called, and there’s a lot of great footage on the news. There’s no weather in Alpha Complex, so this would have to be something no clone’s prepared for… and it has to have fun gaming possibilities… how about a surge in magnetic fields the Computer must vent somehow, resulting in zero gravity. I’m not talking just about floating around, but being flung with lethal force against the wall or at a lucky break up out of the nasty food vat the Troubleshooter got pushed into. When a Computer is rolled, roll a d6. On another Computer, it’s chaotic, lethal force flinging something or someone fun into the air. On a number, it goes from light gravity resulting in a bonus to chasing or lifting to being lifted a few inches off the ground and not being able to walk, to floating like in Gravity to being flung up against the ceiling (hope the citizen is wearing his helmet).

Here’s the rest of the story: The Troubleshooters are called in to Teela-O’s-Mmm-That’s-A-Tasty-Burger by Teela-O herself. She’s concerned because her burgers (made of clones deemed too low of quality to enter society— see yesterday’s entry) are causing customers to have sudden outbreaks of mutant abilities. Teela-s afraid she’ll be erased if this keeps happening. Since the same bad managers who run the clone creches into the ground until they’re closed and the clones sold as meat to Teela-O, keep getting rehired as the directors of new creches, Teela suspects one of the clone creche directors is deliberately turning potential meat stock into mutants, trying to ruin Teela.

The investigators must investigate the clone creches, which should have the feel and look of inner city schools, with broken nanny bots being dragged out and destroyed for poor performance (even though its legs have been torn from its body by the naughty junior), clones ignoring the nanny bots and watching violent programming on their Cerebral CoreTechs, and jealous clones sneaking up behind the popular clones and stabbing them to death with safety chainsaws.

All the creche directors are psychos. One of them is open about failing the creches so the clones get served as meat (she feeds them lots of candy to fatten them up and get a good price). One director believes she’s Snow White (Old Reckoning secret society member) and the junior clones are her dwarves. Another is training the clones military style to be prepared to fight the Zom-B threat. Zom-B is the creche director’s boss. Finally, there’s the creche director who wrote a letter to Teela-O… and Teela didn’t read the letter on her program.

Day 25 Time For a Soylent Green Joke

30 plots


WIVB gives me wonderful Paranoia headlines, a whole buffet of bizarre and corrupt twists. First, the Mayor issues a cease and desist to a nightclub. Second, volunteers help people navigate the changes to Obamacare. Third, hockey players to be rigged with cameras.

The hockey one seems appropriate, but it’s already done. All citizens are walking cameras, so it has to be something different and wild to rake in more money for sports fans. And what is that? 3D cameras of course! With a new bonus of Sense-Surround, where the viewers experience the same physical sensations as the athletes, including decapitation and broken bones. One good check against the wall could leave an entire viewing audience unconscious.

Here’s our plot: A group of PLC citizens decide it’s their patriotic duty to help citizens through the bureaucracy of Alpha Complex, when it comes to ordering fast food. In the process of untangling the Teela-O-My-What-A Tasty-Burger ordering and billing system (which could take three years to complete a transaction), the PLC Samaritans uncover the nasty truth: Solvent Green Burgers are Orange clearance citizens and not the advertised Green Clearance citizens. The Computer initiates a campaign of cracking down on false advertising and sends the Troubleshooters to check out the claims of Sense-Surround Sports Simulation that their new 3D glasses/receiver captures the experience of a Slipping-Swinging-Sports-Spectacular professional event. The glasses/receiver are limited to use by clones fortunate enough to get a ticket for the Alpha Complex Tooth Gaps event.

While testing out the glasses/receiver (any roll of a Computer on the die results in the Troubleshooters suffering a sports injury), Teela-O-My-What-A Tasty-Burger’s surviving management staff plan to snuff out the PLC Samaritans, who were rewarded for their civic duty by getting tickets for the Tooth Gap game. The managers are Sierra Club members and use their resources to unleash the most lethal of ice monsters: penguins. So, penguins run amuck in the stadium. The managers try to kill the Samaritans themselves, and everyone gets beat up as they experience repeated sports-related injuries.